the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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