Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
