you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
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I will pee on everything he values.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
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I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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