Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize