You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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