sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
