Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
