So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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