Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
