You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
