Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
