dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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