I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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