so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
