you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
