Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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