He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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