So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
