she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
