Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
