this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
two words: eviction party
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
