I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
