Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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