Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize