honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
