Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
