the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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