She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
