It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Someone signed my nipple.
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