I wannas sexs uuuuu
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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