so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
