oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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