OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
