I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
