Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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