I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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