non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
So squirting runs in the family.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
