It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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