I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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