I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
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Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
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Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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