Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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