I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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