when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Randomize
