Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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