You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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