How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
