woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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