forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
