My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
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i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize