I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
