Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
