and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
