I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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