I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
it's great music for shaving your balls
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
