i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize