another moral hangover. fuck.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
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