I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
