made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize