last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
