just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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