you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
