Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
