I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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